Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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