As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
