YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
