He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
