did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
