I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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