well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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