Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
