I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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