I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
