Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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