Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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