i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
