I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
