I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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