There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
