I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
