I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Come share oat with me in your robe
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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