I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
