At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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