So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
