I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
