Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
