if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
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