sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
