don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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