Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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