So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
