This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
