just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
