Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
