We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
