If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
