Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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