I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
