haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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