I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
