Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
