I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
