you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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