Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i think my cat just said my name.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
