so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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