my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pants are for mortals
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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