and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
