dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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