yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
