I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
