ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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