i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
