I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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