I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
