I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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