porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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