Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
